Tom Gets Run Out by Spaul
Billy Shite of the Daily Sporting Arse, here at the Centro Dello Sport for as close to a derby game as you can possibly get in a league that only encompasses one city. Knowle Village are in town to take on the Mighty Village
The oft shouted ‘Come on the Village’ was first shouted in 2001 by the legendary Mick the Teeth who was fielding on the boundary when he ran to his left, then realized he was going the wrong direction and changing direction and running to the right and overdoing it, necessitating a big dive back to the left as the ball rolled under him for 4. I mention this story today as the legend was available today but then dropped out through repetitive strain injury which he picked up when beating his meat over a Richard Marx concert.
Consequently, WES were unchanged and with the Skip again delayed – this time by a combination of a late train, road works and leaving his keys at work – Spaul lost the toss and he Mighty Village
Having decided to bowl, one would normally expect the first bowler to be quite useful but 15 wides in the first over would suggest that he wasn’t. Quite ridiculous in an unbelievable kind of way and he was unsurprisingly banished to the outfield forthwith. One positive was that the Skip turned up 20 minutes late and only missed one over.
Over the next 10 overs or so, Knowle Village rotated their bowlers in an effort to find one that could pitch it up and bowl in a straight line but all bowled varying interpretations of the rank long hop which Dayer and Tommy Drop crashed to the boundary at regular intervals. Tom was working out that Dayer only deals in 1,4 and 6 and his attempt to run a 2 was met with a cold stare and lungs bursting out of his chest. Spaul’s decision to open with Dayer was being vindicated more and more with each passing flash of the blade as he raced to 50. Tommy Drop wasn’t keeping up but was timing the ball well and two 6’s in 3 balls over the bowlers head were a delight to see.
Fed up with all this time consuming running between the wickets, Dayer really started throwing the willow and moved to 72 with a 6,4,6,4 before missing a heave at the sixth bowler that Knowle Village had tried and getting stumped. Dater throught he was in as his arse was casting a shadow behind the line but he had to go and so in came Spaul to decimate the run rate by blocking out the remainder of the over.
Spaul’s next contribution was to do nothing as Tommy Drop called for a run, leaving the youngster stranded and getting run out. Still, he accepted it with good grace and I’m sure he didn’t mean it when he asked ‘why didn’t that **** run’. Guru and Spaul saw it out to the end and despite a farcical near run out off the last ball of the innings, the proper Village had posted an imposing looking 158-2.
In an object lesson to youngsters everywhere about how to bowl in the Evening League, the Jeweller fired in a straight pitched up one and clean bowled an opener who didn’t get near it, bringing a bloke who was about 8 foot tall who immediately turned an attempted short-of-a-length ball into a half volley and smashed it through the covers for 4. Superkev found his lines pretty quickly but both batsmen looked competent and the Village bowling machine had what amounted to their first challenge of the season. Both bowlers were repelled for an over each before Superkev got one past the forward lunge of the 8 foot bloke and bowled him. The Jeweller meanwhile was mixing up over-pitched stuff with wicket taking deliveries and cleaned up another in between getting smashed for a couple of boundaries.
Do you remember one of those dreadful Britain’s Got Talent X Factor type shit shows when there was that Chico twat on there singing ‘It’s Chico Time’…. No ? Well, it was Jonjo time. In he steamed off a three yard run up and fired in a big legside wide. Another three yard run up and a long hop on leg stump, six, over the trees, lost ball. So, you’ve bowled two shocking deliveries so naturally, the answer is to lengthen your run up to about 15 yards. It was looking like a repeat of the first over of the match, the over that never ends and memories of his hat-trick at the Parks three weeks ago are a distant memory. A hat-trick today would be getting 3 balls to pitch on the cut bit.
Mercifully, Lookie was tight at the other end with out getting any luck and looked to the heavens as with the last ball of his second over of shite (the 19th that he’d bowled), JJ got the wicket he didn’t deserve as Lookie himself held the towering chance which everyone else was glad didn’t come down on them. The Hoob is improving each week but did seem to suffer from first ball yip as he greeted each over with a first ball wide. He was this weeks recipient of the Guru fielding masterclass though the Village should have had a wicket when the Knowle best batsman was run out by the usual lethal combination of Tommy Drop and the Skip but not given.
The Mighty Village needed one more wicket to make 100% sure so you bring back Superkev to wobble down another over and clean up the remaining opener who’d batted well for his 48. Once he was out, the match died a slow painful death as Lookie and the Hoob finished off the bowling and a new batsman came in and played French cricket shots. There was also some quality bear throwing from the Skip behind the stumps as his fielders enagaged in their favourite pastime of throwing it on the bounce at the feet of the 6 foot 1 wicket keeper who has a dodgy back.
5 out of 5,and winning the Village Derby. Next up is Kerala who are shaping up to be the only team to have a chance of stopping the Mighty Village juggernaut as it speeds towards the finish line. Having said that, Knowle Village were by far the best batting side that have crossed swords with the Jeweller, Superkev and the rest of the WES bowling machine and Jonjo.
Billy Shite
Daily Sporting Arse
Centro Dello Sport
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