Village Season Preview 2015

 

 

Joey... Mad For It!

 

Billy Shite of the Southern Daily Arse here with a preview of the season ahead for The Mighty Village as they begin their Division 2 odyssey at the Sports Centre against NATS.  The player roster has remained relatively unchanged with the only loss being the Australian import Elijah Turriff-Smith who has the excuse that he is in Australia.  As he struggled to get to games when he lived in Hythe, I think we can rule out him getting a cheap flight for a Tuesday night in Lordshill.

I can exclusively reveal that the Hythe branch of Mencap are back with the return of Jonjo Foxpiss and Tommy 49 to the fold having missed most of the last two years with a mixture of apathy and lack of motivation.  Now they’re back though and Tom can drive a car now so no excuses, entertaining though they were, especially the cat ones.  Luke Blackwell also returns to the squad having spent two years remodelling his bowling action so we’re expecting him to be brilliant. 

 

 

Jonjo: He's Back

Due in part to the new rule this season of ‘anything down the leg side is a wide’, The Skip and his selection committee have decided to create a ‘Special Guest Bowler’ position in the squad. It is hoped that one of these will be available each week.  The list consists of ex-villager Danny de Vito who is of course a legend.  It also contains the name of Kelvin Sequeira who will occasionally defy his broken knees and his wife’s work hours to play.  It also contains the name of Mike Edwards whose rise to cricketing superstardom is still be held back by injuries including Plague, Missing bones, No boots, Piles and Thrush.

Last years regulars are all back with people who sometimes can bat (Jamie and his Creatine Arse, The Big Dog who this year will be able to see, The Bald Dog), people who can sometimes bowl (Sarge Saunders, Baselayer Geoff and Rhino Connor) and those that can sometimes do neither  (Spaul, Brocky and especially Wardy).  Then there’s the Skip behind the timbers though his summer has been disrupted by the discovery that in 1781, there was a marriage in Jersey between an Edouard de la Cour and an Anne Le Brocq.  Having spent last season assuming Brocky was related to Spaul, purely on grounds of physical deformity – the truth may be somewhat more alarming.

Then of course there are the specialist fielders with the Legend that is Seasick Barry who is a fucking legend and no mistake.  If anyone else is needed then there’s the fallback option of Joey Deacon if he’s not biting his shoulder, belming or writing a book by poking a typewriter with a sucker pad on his forehead.

Oh yeah, the cricket.  Well it’s division 2 innit and a lot of the teams that were played last year including NATS, B&Q, Sydenhams, Fowler and Skandia.  Also in the league are Hedge End Jams who the Village met two years ago when they turned up with 8 players.

The time is now... bring it.

Billy Shite
Southern Daily Arse