Jesus... That's a Long Time

.... of Shite....

Something occurred to me today when I was sorting through the debris of papers relating to running a cricket team.  It’s our anniversary!!!  That’s right, it’s 20 fucking years since West End Saints Cricket Club made its first appearance in the Southampton Evening League – well not quite, it’s the 20^th season we’ve appeared in, well nearly, we missed one when I was working in Ireland and no one else could be bothered to run it.

There is one player remaining from the team that played in the first ever match in 1993 and that’s me.... I've seen it all - apart from that time I got a ball on the head and ended up in hospital and missed the piss up.  So what’s changed…. Well, we were a rag tag shower of shit in 1993 and now we’re a highly trained, well drilled, well oiled killing machine who win cricket matches without trying. 

If we look at what some of the present squad were doing in 1993 – well…

Jonjo – In 1993 the world was a better place because he hadn’t been born yet

Luke – twinkle in Dad’s eye, not born yet

Tommy Drop – not born yet but still prone to tantrums.

Mackem Rob – Only 10 but already a Gobby Northern Shite. Had migrated South as far as Birmingham in order to find a school he hadn’t yet been expelled from.  Hated Jonjo even though he hadn’t been born yet.

Glen the Skip – A mere 24, thin, still using the Graeme Hick bat he uses now.  Hadn’t decided at that point that he was no good at this game – that came later.

Spaul – Couldn’t run then or since.  Had already perfected the Tavare stance and couldn’t go five minutes when off the cricket field with striking the ‘forward defensive’ pose.

Geoff – Still had to pay to get on a bus, no need for Baselayer clothing or hair thickening products.  Pace bowler, so he says.

Mick the Teeth – had his full complement of 6 teeth then which is 3 more than he’s got now and he hadn’t run out of injury excuses at this point.  Could sometimes bowl at pace approaching 40 mph.

Guru – Was still a professional Morris Dancer and couldn’t play the leg glance but could talk about it endlessly – no change really exceot that he’s now a semi-pro Morris Dancer.

Mike the Sprayer – already Spraying but no females involved in 1993.  Did his spraying on solo missions.

Kevmac – bowled off of his legendary 3 step walk-up in 1993.  Cut down later due to batsman injury count.

Jeweller – bald 7 year old.  Had already starred in Twins and Romancing the Stone.

Colin the Big Dog – had not fully committed to a life of beer and pies but was going down that road.  Already a cricket legend as he’d managed to represent 75% of cricket clubs in Southampton area.

Nigel – Pre-cynicism, Nigel was an idealistic lawyer who was still out to change the world and thought that he could.

Seasick Steve – Exactly the same as now, may be a Time Lord.  Was about to create Jonjo.

Anyhow… 20 years of West End Saints.  Look out for special souvenir t-shirts, ties, Jonjo wigs and Geoff branded Undergarments, soon to be available from the Club Shop.