A Hundred and Twenty Six

Jonjo: I'm a Strike Bowler, Me

Here are the averages for the Mighty Village 2012… League Matches only… let the debates and laughing at Jonjo begin… first the batting…seems that some couldn’t handle the step up in class from Div 5 to Div 3 and by the way THICK at the top, is not Jonjo – just to make that clear.

LEAGUE        Inns   N/O   Runs   Average

T HICK        2      1      78     78.00

S TONGS       4      2      73     36.50

M YOUNG       1             35     35.00

C DAY         5      1      93     23.25

S PAUL        3             59     19.67

T RICHARDS    6            116     19.33

O SHEIKH      1             17     17.00

D GUYMER      2      1      15     15.00

G DE LA COUR  2             17      8.50

P JEWELL      2      1       6      6.00

J STOVELL     2      1       5      5.00

L BLACKWELL   3      1       7      3.50

J SARMED      1              1      1.00

R SAUNDERS    2      2      31      0.00

G EDWARDS     1      1       0      0.00

Then the bowling…. note the fine strike bowling performance from the Ginger Magician and the fact that our young spinners appear to have economy issues.

LEAGUE        Overs  Runs   Wkts Econ Strike  Average

S PAUL         9      33     3   3.67  18.00    11.00

P JEWELL       16     63     5   3.94  19.20    12.60

C DAY          2      13     1   6.50  12.00    13.00

R SAUNDERS     19     99     7   5.21  16.29    14.14

G EDWARDS      13     74     5   5.69  15.60    14.80

T RICHARDS     3      32     2  10.67   9.00    16.00

L BLACKWELL    12     69     2   5.75  36.00    34.50

J STOVELL      15    104     0   6.93  #DIV/0! #DIV/0!

O SHEIKH       4      35     0   8.75  #DIV/0! #DIV/0!

H HENLEY-SMITH 3      31     0  10.33  #DIV/0! #DIV/0!

N HUBBARD      0       0     0 #DIV/0! #DIV/0! #DIV/0!

If you include the 3 cup games we played then the batting figures look like this with the Big Dog and the Little Rat making big strides with their run output.

OVERALL       Inns   N/O   Runs   Average

T HICK        2      1      78     78.00

S TONGS       6      3      92     30.67

S PAUL        6      2      103    25.75

C DAY         8      1      173    24.71

T RICHARDS    8      0      177    22.13

O SHEIKH      1      0      17     17.00

T HUXLEY      1      0      16     16.00

M YOUNG       3      0      46     15.33

D GUYMER      2      1      15     15.00

G DE LA COUR  3      1      21     10.50

P JEWELL      3      2       8      8.00

L BLACKWELL   4      2      11      5.50

J STOVELL     3      1       5      2.50

J SARMED      1      0       1      1.00

R SAUNDERS    2      2      31      0.00

G EDWARDS     1      1       0      0.00

And the bowling including Cup games sees the Ginger Magician post the legendary average of one hundred and twenty fucking six.

OVERALL       Overs  Runs   Wkts  Econ  Strike  Average

S PAUL        11      40     4    3.64   16.50    10.00

C DAY         2       13     1    6.50   12.00    13.00

R SAUNDERS    23     119     9    5.17   15.33    13.22

G EDWARDS     20     108     7    5.40   17.14    15.43

T RICHARDS    7       63     4    9.00   10.50    15.75

P JEWELL      21      85     5    4.05   25.20    17.00

L BLACKWELL   15      96     2    6.40   45.00    48.00

J STOVELL     19.83  126     1    6.35  119.00   126.00

N HUBBARD     1        5     0    5.00  #DIV/0!  #DIV/0!

O SHEIKH      4       35     0    8.75  #DIV/0!  #DIV/0!

H HENLEY-SMITH3       31     0    10.33 #DIV/0!  #DIV/0!

Enjoy, debate… slag eachother off….

Village vs Shire Trilogy Part 3 : Preview

No, Yes, No, Yes

Time for another game against Southamptonshire.  In  this season that’s been decimated by the weather, it’s odd that out of 7 games played, 3 will have been against The Shire.  This is making the massive assumption that it doesn’t piss with rain between now at 6.30pm.  We have a two nil lead in matches against them this year but we totally spawned the last meeting, winning by 1 run.  The Village looked like they’d be shorn of their opening attack with both Sarge Saunders and The Jeweller being unavailable but as last minute change of heart from the Probation Service meant that the Jeweller was available after all.  Waiting for the text to say the game is off will be...

1)      Colin Day – The Big Dog has been having sleepless nights over his long duck in his last innings and will want to set the record straight, sponsored by McDonalds

2)      Tom Richards – It’s off having players in the side who are still having growth spurts.  The last time we played, Tom was 5ft 7, now he’s 6ft and his trousers aren’t long enough.

3)      Sean Tongs – It’s the Guru 

4)      Steve Paul – with his early season form just a distant memory, Spaul will be aiming to prove that he can score runs when it really matters on wickets which are a stodgy pile of crap.

5)      Nic Feest – A product of the esteemed Grade 1 Village Academy System will be looking to increase his Village winning streak to 2 matches having debuted in the one run thrashing of today’s opponents

6)      Glen de la Cour – With his holiday about to start, he will no doubt have lost the two stone he said he was going to lose so expect great things from the sprightly fleet-footed keeper-batsman.

7)      Stuart Ward – Wardy has been trying to make his outdoor Village debut for about 6 years and today may just be the day.  He’s from Zimbabwe and never hunted elephants.

8)      Phil Jewell – I can’t play, I can play, I can’t play, I can play.  This kind of behaviour is only tolerated because underneath his mid exterior, the Jeweller is the World’s Hardest Man.

9)      Jonjo Stovell – Which version of the Ginger Magician will turn up today?  Will he get it right and be unplayable or wrong and be like normal.  A second successive Village batting performance where he didn’t use his bat explains his position in the order.

10)   Luke Blackwell – when the names are written in the book, Luke will be above Jonjo in the order.  Coming of age as a bowler as last week we identified the right pace for him to bowl at.  Expect fireworks.

11)   Geoff Edwards – The Boy in the Baselayer is back and will be tieing up one end if we have eight fielders on the leg side.

12)   Barry Shipman – he’s a proper legend

NATS Preview: I Predict It Will Piss Down

There's a longshot prediction in the picture

Beset by unavailability, the selection committee have reached deep into whatever the opposite of a bottomless pit is and come up with the following team for this weeks match against NATS at the Sports Centre.  As usual I am writing this with no enthusiasm as it has been pissing down for days and I'd give this game about a 2% chance of being played.  We have beaten NATS once this season so will be favorites to win, especially with this stellar line up.

1) The Big Dog - fresh from his 6 ball duck last week, the Big Man will be unveiling the sweep shot at every opportunity to counteract the ball along the ground issue.

2) Tommy 49 - promoted back to the top of the order following his scandalous demotion last week

3) Paul McPompey - a realistic Pompey fan but one who you can get a reaction out of if you poke hard enough.  Dunno if he plays cricket but he's in for giggles.

4) The Guru - Nothing to say.  It's the fucking Guru innit?

5) Spaul - returning hero trying to recapture his early season form with bat and ball

6) Wardy - Zimbabwean overseas player now qualified for England on the residency rule.  Legendary runner between the wickets.

7) Skip - Can't physically run between the wickets

8) Shagger Blackwell - fully equipped with lucky pants

9) Sarge Saunders - said he'd only play if Barry was playing cos he's a fucking legend.

10) Barry Shipman - is a fucking legend and an ambassador for Help the Aged.  Well, if Kate McCann can be an ambassador for the Missing Persons Bureau then anything is possible.

11) Jonjo Fourball - Get down in your correct batting position you disgrace.

Village Fail to Get the Joke as the Two Ronnies Strike

The Two Ronnies.... bastards

Billy Shite reporting from Oglands Park where the Mighty Village have defied the weather and are actually playing a game of cricket whilst all over the rest of Southampton, the games are cancelled.  At first glance this looks like an easy fixture for the Village as they are undefeated and their opponents Ordnance Survey have lost every game.  However, armed with the news that their Saturday side has folded, we at the Southern Daily Arse are on the look out for Ronnie Ringer and he’s here in big fashion.  Not such an easy game after all.

The Skip waded out into the middle to look at the pitch, flipped the coin and won and inserted OS into bat, both because the Village bowled a load of shit when defending a target last week and because he himself would have a better chance of not keeping wicket like a twat if he could see the ball as the darkness of last week definitely didn’t help.

The Village were shorn of two of their talents with Spaul having his nose siphoned and Geoff given a one match suspension after his furious reaction of not going to the pub following his spell last week.  Matt Young and Barry Shipman were the talented youngsters called up from the Youth team to replace them.

The Jeweller started in parsimonious fashion, restricting the OS openers to a couple of runs before Sarge Saunders steamed in and clattered the openers stumps.  A good start but it was obvious straight away that the pitch was as wet as Katie Price when she sees a photo opportunity.  The wet pitch was in direct contrast with Sarge who was on fire and new man and one time Village Indoor player Wallis falling lbw for a quacker.  Meanwhile, Barry was a fucking legend as he chased a ball which splashed into an outfield puddle as he was about to swoop down on it like Jonty Rhodes (grandfather).

With five overs gone it was time for the first change and usually it would have been Spaul or Geoff to come on but the Skip took the decision to throw the ball to Tommy 49 after Shagger Blackwell declined citing a bad back and the lack of his lucky pants.  If Tommy has lucky pants then he wasn’t wearing them as OS spanked his arse all over Oglands, exclusively on the leg side as he failed to pitch the ball on the wet green lifeless thing.  It’s a dangerous statement to say that Jonjo couldn’t be worse and in fact he wasn’t but he served up enough big dirty ginger 4-balls in his two over spell to get the score fairly rattling compared with what had gone before.

The Skip took a decision that wasn’t natural to him and painful though it was, he threw the ball to the Big Dog who used guile and cunning to slow things down and a subtle change in pace brought another wicket as he bowled the remaining opener.  The Big Dog had two overs to get through and was as economical as you like until one ball got despatched nearly onto the roof of Debenhams.  Having witness the carnage of the other bowlers, Shagger Blackwell volunteered to put his bad back and his pants on the line and wing down a couple at reduced pace and his two overs proved that this is the pace he should bowl at instead of trying to knock batsmen’s heads off.

Sarge and the Jeweller finished off with one more wicket falling as a push into the covers was seized upon by the Lightning Guru who proved that 1000-1 shots sometimes do come in when his throw hit the top of the stumps to run out the No 4 who had managed to batter his way to 50.  Two Ronnies finished the innings and added a few bonus runs and OS ended up on 107-4 which is not a bad score on this pitch and about 20 more than they should have got.  To describe it as a ‘shithouse’ pitch wouldn’t do it justice as it was like one of those shithouses which has two inches of piss all over the floor.  Would the Village be able to knock off the runs or would they live to regret the overs in the middle when it ran away from them a bit.

With the Mighty Village, it is generally the case that if the Big Dog is grazing for a while then the game would be won.  Ronnie fired in the first over and the Big Dog was watchful but the 6^th ball pitched and shot along the ground to give him no fucking chance and he was bowled.  To be fair to Ronnie, he did apologise – the bastard.  In his next over, Ronnie was no balled by the Skip who was umpiring.  A front foot no ball really leaves no room for complaint as you can’t see when you’re bowling.  It didn’t stop Ronnie chuntering “was that alright?” after his next ball.  “Yes, that one was fine sonny” but the stump mic clearly picked up a muffled “I’d have given a fucking no ball if it wasn’t you twat”.

Matt Young and Tommy 49 were charged with building the innings and this they did but didn’t get full value for their shots by not running hard enough and consistently picking out OS fielders who their Skipper had not only put in the right places (the bastard) but also they were fielding the ball cleanly and putting the pressure on.  11 overs of very good bowling had now passed and the Village were 52-1 so 6 overs remained to get 56 runs… that’s 9.33 an over folks and it’s unlikely.

They were both time the ball well and the Village had a slim chance as long as they stayed together but the alternative approach of both getting out was going to make it nearly impossible as Tommy went caught for 25 and Matt was bowled for 35.  With the Skip deciding not to bat as his ankle had given up supporting his weight and Shagger Blackwell again pulling his lucky pants excuse, in came The Guru and The Jewelller and then out went the Jeweller first ball as he aimed an ungainly heave at a ball that was a bit straight and quick which brought in Jonjo who had scandalously promoted himself up the order from just below Barry Shipman whilst the Skip was out umpiring.  The Guru had a bit of a blaze with a couple of edges through where first slip would have been and a couple of boundaries but trying to belt every ball was only going to end one way and he was…….. to bring in Sarge who in his left handed cacky style, outscored Jonjo by 1-0 who has now batted twice for the Mighty Village this season without using his bat.

The Village limped to a total of 82-5 and finished vanquished by 25 runs and it was a deserved defeat.  OS were better at batting, bowling and fielding and that doesn’t leave a lot else.  In the past couple of matches, the Mighty Village have just about scraped over the line despite being shite for large portions of the game but today they came unstuck and today saw some Indian Justice being dispensed as Kerala moved clear at the top of the league as the Village slipped below Hedge End Jams and down to third.

Next week the Village return to the Centro Dello Sport to play NATS and failing that, it will fuck it down with rain and we can all go to the pub.

Billy Shite, Oglands for the Daily Sporting Arse.

Luke's missing lucky pants - another reason that we lost

Guru Grinds Bladefull into Submission in Run Orgy

Five wickets.... ok, three.

Billy Shite for the Southern Daily Sporting Arse reporting from the Centro Dello Sport where the Mighty Village continue their undefeated Division 3 odyssey against Bladefull.   You would think that like all great sporting theatres, thought would have been given to the infrastructure of the road network around it but alas not – with the M27 at a standstill and Winchester Road having holes and traffic lights all over it, many of the Village players would have needed a police escort to be there on time and so Skip, Big Dog, Spaul and the World’s Nicest Lawyer were late.

Geoff took tossing duties and duly won, so the Village were batting and therefore avoiding fielding with 7 men.  With the Big Dog not yet present, Tommy 49’s opening partner changed from one old codge who steals the strike to another as The Guru was inserted.  The Big Dog and Spaul duly arrived as play started meaning that we were speared the scenario whereby Jonjo has to shoulder arms for 14 overs, batting at number 3.

Tommy 49 and The Guru made a steady start, so steady in fact that the just arriving Skip thought he’d walked into a Test match by accident.  The stodgy piece of shit that had been provided for a wicket was not to Tom’s liking and when combined with the strike stealing Guru and the glaring Big Dog who was slavering expectantly on the boundary, meant that it was only going to end one way and Tommy holed out for 15.

The Big Dog, hurt by the accusations that he couldn’t bat in the middle order, set out to prove the accusations correct with his new blade but connected with the odd full toss which came along to boost the run rate whilst the Guru remained watchful at the other end in a display that will probably appear on his training video for aspiring batsmen, wanting to learn the art of batting in 16 over cricket.

A bowler with what can only be described as a Keegan perm came on and was duly despatched to all parts of Southampton before the Big Dog holed out to bring a tactical switch in the batting order with The Skip promoting himself to give it some long handle, an experiment which was only marginally more successful than putting Jonjo at Number 3 as he departed a few balls later, run out for 4 as he and the Guru attempted to boost the score towards the 100 mark.

The Guru took a single off the first ball to take himself to 50 and the team to 100 and then it was over to Spaul to play proper cricket shots and show us how to do it, but instead he played a wanky French cricket shot as the ball stopped on him and plopped it straight to a fielder in the covers to depart first ball.  Big boy Blackwell came in for the last 4 balls to give it some welly and cashed in in fine fashion to secure a nice little 0 not out with three airshots and a mistimed block back to the bowler.  Awesome stuff and the Mighty Village ended on 100-4.

So, a lower than comfortable score on a stodgy pile of shit but no matter when you have the Jeweller, steaming in off of two yards and bowling one of the openers off his pads with the fifth ball.  Sarge Rob Pace-Battery came steaming in from the other end and plopped one into the turf and got mown for 4 which wouldn’t have happened if Harold Shipman was playing and not being 12th man, watching his son run with very short strides in a vain attempt to cut off the ball.Rob

The Jeweller  came back for his second over and Bladefull already seemed intent on taking chances but picked the wrong fielder in taking a single to Sarge Saunders whose throw at the non-strikers end missed the stumps but hurt Spaul’s hand in comedy fashion and he tried to avoid backing up.  Next ball, the number 3 who was trying to welly it, ignored the fact that Skip had moved Spaul back 30 yards at mid on and made the Skip look like a competent captain by trying to clear him.  Spaul defying his injured hand and taking the catch in a fashion that could at no point be described as comfortable.

Spaul replaced Sarge to give it some right arm wheel and the Skip’s magnificent captaincy worked again and the World’s Nicest Lawyer took a catch off of his first ball to reduce Bladefull to 15-3.  If that bowling change was masterful then the next wasn’t as such.  The over that followed cannot be described here as this may be read before the watershed and some of our readership is of impressionable age and it (the over)can’t be described without using the words ‘wank’, ‘filth’ and ‘cunt’.

With the over that cannot be spoken about out of the way, we can talk about the cricketing school of thought that says that the wicket keeper sets the standard for the fielding effort and if this is true, then it’s no wonder that the Village were shite as the Skip was having a mare behind the timbers.  Twice Spaul beat the batsman, twice it passed over the top of middle stump and twice the ball managed to miss the big Skip shaped lump behind the stumps and go for byes.  Spaul put it down to his ‘magic’ ball whereas everyone else put it down to a fat old wicket-keeper with shit knees.

It was time for the Luke and Jonjo ‘what happens next show’ and what happened was Luke putting down a mixture of the unplayable and the very wide, not helped by an umpire who was distinctly not umpiring wides in the same spirit that the Village did in their innings.  Jonjo, as we know, is the Ginger Magician and he invents new phenomena for a living and his latest is bowling a relatively decent first ball which gets absolutely crunched to the boundary.  Other than that not bad and Luke (refreshed after a week of camping, with a  girl, no Brokeback Mountain jokes please) got his reward and the stumps went all over the place.

The youngsters had got the Village to 14 overs gone and Bladefull needed 25 off of the final two overs to inflict a first defeat of the season on the Village.  There was no danger though as the Skip called on the experience of Sarge Saunders and the Jeweller to close it out.  There was one more wicket as The Jeweller got his reward as a batsman went high and it came down on the very confident Tommy Drop who managed to defy his fielding nickname and hold on in safe fashion and so the Mighty Village won by 19 runs and maintained their 100% record to make it three wins out of three in this rain decimated season.

The Village will have to improve significantly on what, to be quite honest, was a pretty shite performance if they want to avoid some Indian Justice in the final reckoning.  I don’t know how the game ended but on an adjacent pitch, Kerala were playing Hedge End Jams, the division’s other undefeated side and had reduced them to 35-5 chasing 140.  All you can do though is beat what’s in front of you… actually that’s not true as you can get royally fucking hammered by what’s in front of you.  Next in front of the Village are Ordnance Survey who were supposed to be the opposition in the notorious “Stumpgate” game.  If anyone has a set of stumps and bails, stick them in the car.

Village in Semi-Final after Shire Scare

Rob cunningly adapts Guru's bat cone to be a pile cream applicator

Billy Shite at Oglands Park, reporting for the Southern Daily Sporting Arse on the big Cup Quarter Final between The Village and The Shire. It was nice that the Great British Summer had deigned to not rain on us for once and it was nice to be back at The Parks and for there not be chavs all over the outfield. As we waited to start there was a screaming row between some lowlifes by the changing room which wouldn’t have looked out of place on the Jeremy Kyle show.

The Village had two debutants today with Matt Young coming into the batting line up instead of The Guru who was absent polishing his bells.  The Village copied England and rested a bowler for fear of burn out as there was no way that Geoff could play two games in a month and they replaced him with our youngest ever player in Nic Feest (or Neil as Spaul called him continually even though he was corrected every time).  At the other end of the scale was Seasick Harold Shipman (aka Barry the Legend) who came in for Nigel the Worlds Nicest Lawyer so we had a spread of approximately 50 years between our youngest and oldest player.

With it being Oglands, there had to be some controversy but luckily it didn’t involve the Village with the other pitch not actually having a strip cut to play on, meaning that Hedge End Hawks had to quickly head up to the Sports Centre where their game had been moved to, without them being told about it.
The Big Dog and New Boy Matt opened the batting and immediately discovered that the pace on any delivery had approximately halved by the time it bounced off the pitch, making scoring runs very difficult. Matt played one glorious straight drive over the bowler and stood admiring it before realising that he was going to have to run to get anything at all for it as it plopped to the ground and plugged in the turf.  The Big Dog was waiting for any bad ball and treating every other ball in the same way by trying to smash it, missing and deflecting it somewhere with his pad.

The Shire were obsessed with getting the Big Dog out and so were delighted when he was put down in the covers.  Not put down however was New Boy Matt who mistimed a straight drive and got caught at mid on-ish for 6.  The Big Dog was now joined at the crease by his fellow scourge of The Shire, Tommy 49 and both scored well, plundering the change bowlers who had come on.  Shire skipper Worty nearly made the breakthrough when the Big Dog went aerial again but the fielder on the boundary either didn’t see it or didn’t fancy it and so another chance went begging as Worty ripped out the remaining hair on his head.

One thing that was noticeable was (dropped catches aside) how well The Shire were fielding as the batsman continued to pick them out with amazing accuracy.  Tom got frustrated and eventually holed out for 14 to bring in the in-form Spaul who proceeded to bat like a man who knew the pitch was not up to his exacting standards before chipping a lame effort straight to a fielder to epart for more than 0, less than 2.  The Big Dog remained until he too holed out for 41, going for another big one and so it was time for the tail and time for the long handle with the Skip joining Shagger Blackwell at the crease.  The pair tried but no further boundaries were forthcoming and so the Mighty Village ended on 79-4 which 99% of the time, would be a losing score but much would depend on how The Shire adapted to batting on pile of stodge.  The Skip and Spaul set their field in meticulous fashion as best they could and then discovered that Left Handed Larry was batting and they had to mess about with it all over again.

The Village opened as usual with the Jeweller and he soon struck, removing the right handed opener with a yorker which he ill-advisedly tried to smash to Bevois Valley.  One down and a good start but the left hander remained which meant that Skip’s field placings would still be shite.

Next up was Corporal Mackem Pace Battery who had brought along a nurse to liberally apply another slap of pile cream in the break in play.  Fired up by the occasion and the strange warm sensation from his ringpiece, he steamed in a clean bowled the new batsman to put The Village firmly in charge.

Application of another kind was needed from the Shire batsmen and Left hand Larry provided it along with the new batsman who was a young quick lad who had cut off about 20 runs on his own by displaying pace and enthusiasm on the boundary.  Just you wait til you reach 40 mate, it all goes to shit then. The pair batted for the next 8 overs with not many chances aside from an edge which went through where the leaden footed Skip should have dived to.  Spaul bowled two overs for nothing and it was time for the erratic boys.  The Village were well placed at this point but a bad over from the Ginger Magician could see it all turn to shit very quickly.

There is a phenomenon in cricket where the most unlikely people are partnership breakers and unbelievably, in order to get a wicket, all the Village had to do was apply some Fox Piss.  His constant variations could not be read by Left hand Larry and he blattered one up in the air and it came down on top of Spaul who couldn’t avoid it and with his tongue flapping, pouched the catch.  With the batsman having crossed the phenomenon of “1 brings 2” also came to pass as Far Too Quick was bowled off his pads.  The hat-trick ball was sheeeeee-ite and got smashed behind square for Harold Shipman to go and retrieve.

The two new batsmen were the guy who tried to break his thumb in the last game and Gigantor who both tucked into Jonjo’s last over.  The Village were still in control at this point but they were soon up shit creek again as it only takes one bad over in a low scoring game to change things and Shagger Blackwell provided it, going for 12 which meant that The Shire only needed 12 off the last 2 overs.

Corporal Northern Pace Battery’s piles allowed him to bowl the 15th over and unbelievably, the umpires dropped a bollock in all the excitement and managed to let him get away with bowling a five baller.  No one realised at the time but the end of the over was called and it was time to do or die.

It came to the Jeweller to bowl the last over with 5 runs required to win.  Thumb Boy scampered a single to bring Gigantor onto strike with a big swish and miss before Jeweller produced a corridor of uncertainty ball which Gigantor chopped onto his stumps.  3 balls to go and 4 to win and the new batsman was the Minister of Agriculture.  The next two balls went for singles leaving two required to win off the last ball with the Minister for Agriculture facing.  Jonjo, realising that one of his misfields could mean us losing the match, peed himself as the Jeweller steamed in.... and bowled him to give the Village a win by 1 run.  Players converged on the master bowler and the Skip jumped on top of the pile which forced all of the air to leave Jonjo’s body in one go.  It was close but it was a win and in the Cup, the win is all that matters and the margin matters not.

The Village have set up a Cup semi-final against either Good Companions or Hedge End Hawks who are both from Division 1 but who would back against this plucky Division 3 side now.  It’s the magic of the Cup after all.  A word for the gallant losers from The Shire who improved dramatically on their 9 wicket demolition at the hands of the Village in the league match.  The Shire should beware though that when the next league match comes round, Geoff will be fully rested. Will he regain his place from young Nic though as it was nice to have a fielder who can actually bend down and stop the ball and not do the Ali shuffle as the ball flies past on its way to the boundary.

The Village have to rest their weary bodies and get back to their best for a match against The Arrow on Thursday.  Squad rotation will be the order of the day and The Skip will have to establish whether Harold Shipman can survive 2 games in 4 days.

Billy Shite for the Southern Daily Sporting Arse, Oglands

Cup Fever Preview : The Shire Part 2

Barry thumbs a lift to Hoglands Park

All we do is previews.... we don't play any bastard cricket.

Off to the war zone of Hoglands Park where it’s time for more Cup Fever and The Village versus The Shire Part 2.  Apparently we have the Special Forces Unit at the game to ensure people get off the pitch.  Just what we need.

With continual pissing rain being the order of the day for the past two weeks, this is the first fixture either of these teams have had since the last one between these two fine sides when The Village won by 9 wickets.  Changes ahoy tonight though and the Village have had to plumb the depths of their squad to field a team following disciplinary issues involving duct tape, a white van with blacked out windows and a sheep.   The Guru and Geoff are helping police with their enquiries, aided and abetted by Nigel, the Worlds Nicest Lawyer who will ensure that they get done for it.

This leaves the Village with the following side:

1 Colin Day – The Big Dog has been left hungry for 3 weeks now.  Carnage may follow.

2 Tom Richards – in the side despite refusing to pay his match fees due to poverty

3 Steve Paul – Revelling in his summer of cricket, Spaul will once again be attempting to prove that Worty’s decision not to give him a game 3 years ago, was a foolish one.

4 Luke Blackwell – Every cup game, a Joey gets promoted up the order.

5 Glen de la Cour – The Skip may have to unfurl the mighty Graeme Hick willow for this game

6 Phil Jewell – The silent assassin is in the house.

7 Jonjo Stovell – Surely some mistake putting this knob so high in the batting order.  Have you forgotten the shouldering arms incident?

8 Tom Barge – All I know about him is “he’s a left armer”.  Secret weapon.

9 Rob Saunders – Back from fighting contra-rebels in Nicaragua, the one man pace battery.

10 Nic Feest – Learning new swear words and insults for ginger people, our kids academy prospect who will probably be better than all of us when he grows up.

11 The Legend of Barry

Please, no more fucking rain.

Kerala Preview - More Rain Forecast

Just for the Big Dog - An Indian Buffet

Kerala at the Sports Centre in the first meeting since “Cheating Bstardgate” at the tail end of last season.   We of course, lost that game and we were told that it was Indian Justice as they tried to stir up some sort of race war.  Sorry boys, not interested.  We will keep our moral high ground and just ask who won the league?  Weather watch and early in the week, any green field was submerged in water so not looking good.  On Wednesday there was a shock in that a strange yellow object was spotted in the sky and on Thursday it’s still there but it’s forecast to batter down with rain again at about 5pm so, in keeping with the rest of this season so far, writing this is probably a complete waste of time.

Team is:

1 Colin Day – the Big Dog is back and he like to feast on anything, hopefully he’ll have a taste for Indian buffet bowling

2 Tom Richards – fresh from his glorious exhibition of batsmanship against The Shire, big things are expected from the Chichester University number 11

3 Steve Paul – hoping to continue his rich vein of form blah blah blah

4 Sean Tongs – have no fear for The Guru is here.

5 Glen de la Cour – fighting at his heaviest weight ever

6 Nigel Hubbard – well we might need a nice lawyer against this lot

7 Phil Jewell – Danny de… actually – I can’t be bothered with his, it’s gonna rain and get called off again.

8 Luke Blackwell – I mean it always rains on a Thursday and it gets called off.  Dunno why I bother.

9 Rob Saunders (Umpire) – cos I send about 40 texts a week and then resend them to people like Spaul who can’t be bother to reply the first time.

10 Jonjo Stovell – so I eventually get 11 players and then it rains… and then I remember that I haven’t called up Barry the Legend.

11 Geoff Edwards – Actually, we could do with Barry to keep an eye on the scoring.

Bring on the Jams... Hedge End Jams Preview

Young Barry contemplates 12th Man Insult.

The Mighty Village take on Hedge End Jams in a top of the table clash between two undefeated teams at Turnpike Way.  We’ve never played here but as far as I’m aware, the track is usually decent enough so it should be a good game, a fine contest between bat and ball etc.   There is a pattern emerging at the top of the league with these two teams and Kerala being undefeated.  This is the first match between two of these sides as the early season encounter between Kerala and Jams was called off.  So, as far as Southampton Evening League Division 3 can be… this is huge.

Lining up for the Village will be.

1 Colin Day – The Big Dog will possibly be arriving late because of a course he’s on.  If the food is a buffet then I don’t expect him to turn up at all.

2 Tom Richards – back on form after last weeks gem of a knock.  The return of Tom Huxley to the side means that two of our players will be comparing hairstyles.

3 Steve Paul – Try writing a sentence about Steve without using ‘rich vein of form’ in it as well.  Try writing another one without ‘Big Nose’ in it as well.

4 Sean Tongs – It’s the Guru, now 49 but with as much youthful enthusiasm as ever.

5 Tom Huxley – “He’s a batsman” says Jonjo, “he’s a bowler” says everyone else.  No surprise that Jonjo doesn’t know the difference.

6 Glen de la Cour – The Skip, that is all.

7 Phil Jewell – “He’s coming for you, he’s coming for you-oo-oo, that Danny de Vito, he’s coming for you”

8 Luke Blackwell – Master of the stop-start-fling bowling technique which was far too mysterious for the opposition last week.  Also, the safest pair of hands in the team, bar none except maybe Geoff.

9 Rob Saunders – he’s back having reduced large swathes of Syria to rubble on a one man army wrecking spree.

10 Jonjo Stovell – Ginger Magician still down at No 10 following the shouldering arms incident which is going to bug me for years.

11 Geoff Edwards – A vital component of the ‘in and out’ fielding set up.  If Geoff is ‘in’, you have to have someone behind him.

12 Barry Shipman - in case the Big Dog is eating.

Big Game, Come on….

Guru in Birthday Romp as Village tame the Shire

"We must raise awareness for the victims of minefields"

Billy Shite here at Riverside Park for the Daily Sporting Arse to report on the Derby game to beat all Derby Games…. The Shire versus The Village.  Like most great sporting rivalries, this has an odd origin, beginning as it did in a titty bar in Thailand.  Andy Wort (or ‘Worty as he’s known to people who can’t be bothered to remember his first name) fell off a ladyboy and did his back in, meaning that he had to retire from playing for the Mighty Village due to their stringent fitness standards.  Once rehabilitated he decided that he didn’t need those Village Bastards and started his own team; Southamptonshire.  As The Village fell on hard times and started again from the bottom league, The Shire rose ever upwards until today when they finally met in Division 3.  Parts of the above story may be true.

Riverside Park has always been one of the dodgier pitches in the league and there are two pitches there, one with a ravine across the square and one without.  The last time we played here it was such a minefield that Princess Diana had brought a film crew down to draw attention to it and raise money for the victims.  So, it was nice to find that we were on the pitch that doesn’t have a ravine in it and is traditionally, the flatter of the two.  Worty and the Skip walked out and surveyed the ‘greener than green could be’ strip – Worty won the toss and decided to bat under moist, “dark by 7.30” skies.

The Village team showed two changes from the Vespasian Vikings Cup Fever win with The Hux and Barry Shipman the Legend making way for Shagger Blackwell and Clive.  Never before can Clive have been part of bringing the average age of a team down.

The Jeweller started off with a maiden but there were two byes on the board due to ridiculous bounces that left the keeping Skip floundering around behind the stumps.  Spaul kept up the good work and the third run was also a bye as a pitched up delivery took off and flew over the Skip’s head.  Ridiculous and dangerous and can Skip borrow a helmet please?  There then followed a delay while the non-striker dressed himself for a few minutes before the other opener aimed an ugly swipe at Spaul’s next ball and was bowled as the steady drizzle came down.

The Shire were already beginning to feel the pressure of not having many runs, caused by tight bowling and decent fielding from all, especially Clive who was giving his wanking hand injury a good workout in stopping a succession of balls in ungainly falling over fashion.  Having spent all that time dressing himself, the other opener tossed his wicket away by taking on Tommy 49’s arm and being comfortably run out by the Skip as he attempted a 2^nd run.  The Jeweller had been spanked for a couple of fours, one of which had been expertly dodged by Geoff in the field as he did a kind of Ali shuffle as it went past his foot.  Geoff was on by now and making up for his fielding by going for 2 runs an over and even Jonjo’s right arm filth was landing on the explosive wicket and causing all sorts of bother.  That man Edwards was in the thick of the action in the field and the ball was following him which is not what you necessarily want.  On the bad side he spilled a fairly straight forward chance which would have given the Ginger Magician a wicket but he did manage to stop one fierce drive despite running backwards, turning his back, shutting his eyes and doing the Ali shuffle.  Textbook.  The score was up to 36 and the man was at it again and Geoff bowled the more aggressive of the Shire batsman behind his legs.

The one remaining worry for the Village (aside from having to bat on this pile of shit) was the Shagger Blackwell was ropey in his last bowling performance.  Today though he was on fire with the batsman totally unable to read the unusual run up and stop-start delivery.  The new batsman flashed at one and was expertly pouched by the Ginger Magician at point in a moment that vaguely made him look like a cricketer.  The Jeweller returned, Geoff switched ends and Shagger was unplayable and so The Shire limped on to 66-4 from their 16 overs.

Quick wickets were needed for the Shire to have any chance of success but they disobeyed the basic rule of playing on a shocking pitch and either pitched too short or overpitched and you can’t do that with the Big Dog when he’s ravenous and the runs did flow including a massive straight 6 which was some shot.  Tommy 49 was settling in and playing some lovely shots at the other end with his serene progress only interrupted by The Big Dog surprisingly and unexpectedly running a 2.  It was only a surprise until you realize that it was the last ball of the over and there was the strike to steal.

Worty captained from the front in the face of the onslaught and brought himself on and Tommy swatted him away for a couple of boundaries.  As the finishing line approached, The Big Dog latched onto a Worty full bunger and creamed it.  It was going like a missile and the daft bugger on the boundary tried to catch it, nearly lost a few fingers in the process and it went for four anyway.

The scores were now level and Tommy 49 hoofed one up in the air and was caught to bring in The Guru, on this, the day of his 49^th birthday.  One play and miss and one drive for a 4 and it was all over and Happy Birthday to You, Guru.

And so the Village sent their opponents back to The Shire with their tails between their legs.  This is a short match report but then again, it was a short match as the Village won it with nearly 8 overs to spare.  The jokey offer of a beer match was turned down in favour of going to the pub – how times change.   It was a comprehensive demolition which was always on the cards once The Big Dog and Tommy 49 had survived the first few overs.  The Shire will be back and they will have two more opportunities to put The Village in their place before the season is done with another League fixture and a Presidents Cup Quarter Final clash.  The bowlers won it for The Village today with fine efforts from all five bowlers used but in particular, credit to the Ginger Magician in particular who was surprisingly “not shite” for the second game running.  The Big Dog and Tommy 49 batted superbly to get the Village up to what could have been a small but testing target.  It was a committed display by the Village with that commitment to the cause being personified by Barry Shipman the Legend who turned up to perform 12^th man duties, despite having just had a tooth out – no anaesthetic, just a hammer and chisel.  He’s a legend you know.

Next up for the Village is a visit to new territory and Turnpike Way to play new opponents in Hedge End Jams.  The Village are building up a head of steam with three wins out of three but this promises to be their hardest game yet.  Bring it on…

Billy Shite, Riverside Minefield for the Southern Daily Sporting Arse.

"Chuck it in the Ravine": Southamptonshire Preview

Riverside Park - Didn't get a Lottery Grant

It Southamptonshire at Riverside Park, it's Worty and that's all you need to know.  It's grudge match of gigantic proportions which will result in all out warfare.  Actually, it will end with both teams in the pub.

Representing The Village against The Shire will be:

1 Colin Day - the Big Dog has got two starts and not converted so far, a bit like Ian Bell.  Will tomorrow be conversion day.

2 Tom Richards - restored to opening the batting despite and impressive bowling performance on Monday

3 Spaul - man of the moment and if we had a Players Player of the Season vote now, he wouldn't win as no one likes him.

4 It's the Guru

5 Glen de la Cour - despite the team looking much better when he doesn't bat, he's promoted himself again

6 Clive Davison - recalled to add left handed awkwardness having just recovered from an operation on the palm of his wanking hand.

7 Phil Jewell - bowler of steely determination and attitude and he looks like Danny de Vito - I may have mentioned that before

8 Luke Blackwell - recalled after being dropped for late night misdemeanours

9 Nigel Hubbard - The world's nicest lawyer will be there but there is abotu 18 hours til the game so don't bet on it.

10 Geoff Edwards - the only thing more miserly than his bowling is his efforts at the bar.

11 Jonjo Stovell - Shouldering Arms twice in three balls = Number 11

The key to winning at Riverside Park is to get your bowlers to metronomically pitch the ball into the ravine that runs across the square.  Hit the downslope and it rolls along the ground, hot the upslope and it will be up round the batsmans ears.  I back the Jeweller, Spaul and Geoff to be accurate enouh to exploit the conditions.

Bring it .....

Vikings Raped and Pillaged by Big Dog and Spaul

Jonjo: This is a fucking bat

Billy Shite here to report on Cup Fever as it grips the cricketers of the Mighty Village as they arrive at the Centro Dello Sport to match up against a team from the league above, Vespasian Vikings.  With confidence high following their opening win of the season, the Village selection committee made minimal changes with Tom Huxley making his long awaited debut (long awaited that is, after Stumpgate) and the World’s Nicest Lawyer Nigel Hubbard, managing to not drop out of this game at the last minute.  Shagger Blackwell was missing in action we assume and Soldier Rob was off on target practice at cardboard cut outs of Syrians.

The Cup draw had opened up a possible path to a Rose Bowl Final (I will never call it the Ageas Fucking Bowl) but this path was there for the team that lost and got dumped into the Plate competition.  Odd that one should think of losing a match on purpose on the 10^th anniversary of Hansie Cronje’s flying lesson.  Cricket’s anti-corruption unit have reported some strange betting patterns.

The Skip was unprofessional and late thanks to Southern Railways and so Spaul won the toss and decided to bat.  The Big Dog and the Hux set off at a brisk pace and both peppered the boundary as the Vikings defied logic and kept the same bowlers on who were getting battered.  The Hux was entering into the Village way of things by moosing away before in true Village opener fashion, missing a straight one and being bowled for 16. 

At the NATS match after bowling 2 overs for 80, Jonjo the Fox had asserted that he was now a batsman.  What is the cup if not an opportunity to try things and so in came the Ginger Magician at number three.  A true magician could play cricket without a fucking bat and this is what Jonjo tried to do, shouldering arms to the first ball and getting rapped on the pads as he held his bat above his head.  No lbw decision was forthcoming because the ball wasn’t straight but in this reporter’s opinion, if you shoulder arms in a 16 over game, you should be given out anyway and than made to stand still whilst the rest of your team throw cricket balls at you… especially when you do it again two balls later and this time get given out.  Jonjo trudged off to be met by the rest of the Village pissing themselves laughing and just Barry giving his son the cold hard Shipman stare.

In came to Guru to steady the ship and allow the Big Dog to play a series of expansive drives which all ended with him studying the cloud formations.  Unfortunately, it was a fielder studying the clouds next as he waited for the ball to drop with snow on it and the Big Dog was gone to bring in the hero of last week, Spaul.  Fears of a collapse were averted as Spaul in particular was served up some serious pie to swat away to the boundary as he again showed the touch of a man in a rich vein of form.  The Vikings rotated their bowlers with an Edgar Davids look-a-like providing some searing pace from one end even though he did look like he was going to fall over after every ball.  It was chanceless and it was fearless and the Village made their way to 113-3 off their 16 overs which was not a bad effort.  Spaul finished on 32 not out and the Guru finished on 17 not out which was 10 more than Tommy 49 thought he had.

With no soldier to open the bowling, the Skip had to find another opening bowler to keep things tight up top so having banished Jonjo to the furthest boundary, decided to open with the Jeweller and the Spaul.  The Jeweller was predictably miserly and then Spaul continued his rich vein of form by deceiving a batsman who wasn’t expecting a 4^th arm ball in a row, with his ‘arm ball’ .  In came a bloke wearing blue shorts instead of whites and in a move that was very off-putting for the close fielders, appeared to have one leg of them tucked in his pants.  The opening four overs went for next to nothing and next came the Queen of Mean as Geoff continued the good work and clean bowled the other opener.

Tommy 49 came on for his first proper bowl for the Village and initially struggled to pitch the ball on the green flattish bit and the Viking pillaged a few runs but no real alarms as the run rate was going up and up.  It was time to introduce the 5^th bowler and this was due to be the World’s Nicest Lawyer but he didn’t fancy it and so with 10 fielders screaming 'Noooooo', Jonjo was recalled from boundary patrol to wing in some pace.  His first ball actually wasn’t bad but it got crunched for four and the rest were straight enough aside from one horrible leg side wide which had the Skip sprawling on the floor.  With the crater having been repaired, Geoff finished his spell and Jonjo started to make things happen with two run outs, one of which was a very smart Hux to Fox Piss effort.

Boy in shorts had batted well to reach 34 but Tommy 49 had switched ends to where he was deadly.  Maybe it was two yards longer bowling from this end but it pitched and turned and cleaned him up.  Off you go Shorts Boy.  Jonjo finally got the wicket that his bowling almost deserved with a flying edge going straight to the Jeweller who casually palmed it up in the air before taking the catch.  In came Edgar and out went Edgar as Tommy did for him and his wild swipe wasn't really the shot to play to a pitched up turning ball.  The World’s Nicest Lawyer was persuaded to bowl with 36 needed off the last over and apart from one horrible shitty wide, was tight enough and so the Mighty Village had defied the side from the League above them and defied Hansie Cronje and won by 30 runs.

The Shite Verdict:  An interesting game that the Village had designs on losing but either Vespasian Vikings wanted to lose more or the Village just can’t play at anything under 100%.  More will become clear later in the season but for now and next is a game against Southamptonshire and especially Worty at Riverside Park.  Hopefully the bloody great ravine that used to run right across the square is a thing of the past but somehow I doubt it.  Special mention today goes for Barry for some energetic fielding, being a legend and for not laughing at Jonjo’s shouldering arms trick.

Roll on Thursday.

Cup Fever Preview

Jonjo.... now a Batsman

The Mighty Village travel to the Sports Centre to play Vespasian Vikings on Monday.  Those charged with upholding the honour of the Mighty Village are as follows

1 Colin Day - The Big Dog will be eager to eat up some better quality opposition.
2 Tom Huxley - we had to promise him that there would be some stumps there today for him to make his debut
3 Jonjo Stovell - after his protestations that he was now a batsman... we will see
4 Sean Tongs - yes, it's the Guru
5 Steve Paul - batting legend, now working on his new 24 chapter opus 'My Three Sixes in one Innings'
6 Tom Richards - swapped with Jonjo as Jonjo is a batsman now you know
7 Phil Jewell - bringing film star qualities to the proceedings
8 Glen de la Cour - limping around like an old bastard
9 Nigel Hubbard - first appearance of the season for the nicest man in cricket
10 Geoff Edwards - Spin or Seam?  who knows, least of all him.
11 The Cult of Barry - offered to turn up as 12th man but we never have 12.

Rumour has it that it may be a decent idea to get into the Plate, rather than the proper Cup... Hmmm, we'll see how that one works out.

Spaul Carnage as Village Announce Div 3 Arrival

Fat Ugly Cow Stops Play

Billy Shite at the HCG for the match between the Mighty Village and NATS who haven’t played eachother for about 12 years which coincidentally is about the amount of years late NATS was in opening.  Upon arrival at the HCG, it was debateable whether any play would be possible which after ‘Stumpgate’ last week, wouldn’t have been too clever.  Due to the hot weather, the outfield was populated with hippies, drunks, students, dossers, tossers and a large groupd of big mean looking West Indian chaps.  The groundsman’s attitude to this was that they’d all disperse when the cricketers took the field.  We shall see.

The Village relied for this match, on the same squad as last year with all the Uni boys being present and Soldier Boy having a rest from hunting Germans to grace us with his presence.  Skip won the toss and with the outfield still full of dregs that needed to be moved, decided it wasn’t going to start on time and decided to bat.

The Big Dog started off like a man who was hungry and determined to show the watching Sarisbury representative why they should be showing him the love a bit more with some bludgeoning strokes as the Village raced away.  At the other end, Tommy 49 was batting like a man who had only been bowling this year and he was first to go at the end of the second over  to give him the new name of Tommy 49-44.  He was replaced by Spaul who was promoted above the Guru as he hadn’t batted this season as opposed to batting but not scoring any.  Spaul had to watch initially as the Big Dog carried on hitting out with four 4s in an over before missing a straight one to be out for 27.  In came the Guru as NATS brought on their best bowler who knocked his stumps over a few balls later to leave the Village on 51-3 after 5 overs.  Plenty of runs but a couple of wickets lost too many.

In came the Skip who managed to injure his already injured ankle whilst walking out into the middle.  He was followed into the middle by a blonde fat ugly pig in leggings with her small child.  It’s remarkable that the groundsman was right… most people vacate the pitch if there’s a game starting, blokes especially cos they understand.  It’s the women who are the worst.  So the game was halted as the cute little kid was followed by this fucking walrus who on her own would not have caused the game to be stopped.  This is the trouble with the hot weather – for every nice looking girl in a short skirt it brings out a fucking wartpigdinosaurus.  Having wandered right across the pitch and enabling a couple more deliveries, she waddled back over causing another break in play.

Unperturbed, Spaul batted like madman, taking heavy toll of anything off line whilst the Skip played and missed a lot but did at least manage to give the strike to his partner who was at least, hitting the ball occasionally.  Having been stung by media criticism of his somewhat unadventurous batting style, Spaul was determined to wreak revenge and clubbed three huge sixes which would have carried the rope, even on a proper ground.  It was marvellous stuff which made up for the Skip’s swish and miss approach at the other end.  Still, Skip’s speed between the wickets kept the board ticking over as he regularly turned twos into singles by running like Long John Silver.

Spaul raced to 50 but departed soon enough when he was caught in the deep having scored 54 and Skip soon followed when he missed one too many and was bowled for a painfully compiled 13.  The Jeweller and Shagger Blackwell clubbed a few welcome runs at the end before Shagger departed off the last ball and Jonjo made his way out to the middle before realising that everyone was walking off.  Plonker.  So, the Village ended on 122-5.

Skip decided that even with his injury, he was still more mobile than the Big Dog who took the gloves and kept wicket.  The Jewellers first over was uneventful and in came Mackem Rob to bowl his usual collection of short wide shit…. Only he didn’t.  Having played a year in the Evening League, he’s worked out that the best way is to bowl at the three sticks in the ground and this brought him a wicket off only his third ball as the opener played all around it and got cleaned up.  He repeated the trick in his next over as well, having inspired the Jeweller to do the same and so at the end of the 4^th over, NATS were 17-3 and up against it.

On came Geoff with his flight and guile and without his baselayer and the runs were still not flowing with Soldier Boy still looking decent from the other end.  Geoff managed to snare a wicket lbw but this good work was undone when the Skip made a decision which will go down in the annals of cricket as not being one of the best and threw the ball to Jonjo to bowl from the end where he got a hat-trick last year by bowling at the stumps. A reminder of this fact was forthcoming before the spell began and forgotten by the time the ginger magician had reached the wicket.  Ah yes, the ginger magician, he bowls and the ball disappears… all over the fucking place.  At the other end, Shagger sent down a decent first over but his second went all over the place and suddenly, NATS had a sniff and the lackadaisical field placings from the Skip were being tested to the limit by the fact that he couldn’t put any fielders up in the clouds.

The Skip turned to his most reliable bowler and the Jeweller delivered, strangling the run rate and then delivering the knockout blow by forcing the one batsman who’d looked decent to go airborne and luckily it fell into the bucket hands of Shagger Blackwell who magnificently pouched the effort and the match.  With 27 needed off the last over, Jonjo was not entrusted with it and Tommy 49-44 wheeled in to enduce and tremendous bit of work from the Big Dog, who finally completing the stumping at the second attempt, distracted though he was, by an ice cream van.  NATS finished on 103-6 and the Mighty Village had won by 19 runs.

So, The Village are off on their Division 3 odyssey with a decent win.  Next up in the league they are off the Riverside Park for the first time since the resurrection to play again Southamptonshire and our old friend, Worty.  Be afraid, be very afraid.  Before that though, a cup game against the catchily named Vespasian Vikings at the Sports Centre on Monday.  A disision seperates them but can the Village bridge that gap.  If I was a betting man, I’d say maybe.

Billy Shite, Hoglands Cricket Ground for the Southern Daily Sporting Arse.