Active F**king Nation

Barry.... livid

I bet you’re all wondering how the Mighty Village got on in their first match of the season that didn’t fall foul of the weather.  I’d like to fucking know as well.  The reason that I don’t know is that we didn’t play.  The weather was ok, the teams were present, we had a ball, scorebooks and all the gear that you need.  What we didn’t have was the one bit of gear that was supposed to be provided by the Council – the stumps.

I say the Council, in fact it’s not any more.  They’ve outsourced it to a private company called Active Nation who are now responsible for what used to be Council activities.  In short, they are supposed to provide the fucking stumps and get them to the game.  Apparently they promised to do so.

I imagine that one day in the past, some twat was sat in his front room watching Panorama or something about how the great British public are not active and they all sit on their arse watching Simon Cowell’s shit on TV, rather than participating in outdoor sports.  The twat then probably set up Active Nation to cash in on our inactivity and the fact that we are a nation of fat knackers.  Cheers mate.  The Council, in 19 years of playing, have never fucked up and not provided the stumps…. Game 1 of your tenure and you fuck it up.  Brilliant – now fuck off. 

So, 22 players drove from all over town to get to Millbrook (which is a bitch to get to in rush hour) at personal cost to themselves, fought for parking spaces with the participants at Goals 5-a-side, got changed on the field cos what used to be a changing room down there is now a garage and then had to go home because of Active fucking Nation.  The only consolation is that I got to pull my trousers down outside in Millbrook - which is a first.

The rest of the Mighty Village sloped back off to where they'd come from - even Seasick Steve who is a fucking legend, a bit like Harold Shipman.  Meanwhile, Mackem Rob offered to find out where Mr.Active Nation lives and go and set light to him.

I’m gonna buy some chips, sit on my arse and watch TV.